I Don’t Know, Son! -35

An Addiction for (Professional) Lifetime!

Son: We have heard of tobacco becoming a lifetime addiction for many persons in the past, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: A news report in Economic Times states that the employment in the tobacco giant ITC appears to have become a lifetime addiction for most of the professionals, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Half of ITC’s 7,000-odd managers are with the company for more than a quarter of century. Attrition at the senior management levels has been zero for at least 15 years now, dad!

Father: Wonderful! Go on, son.

Son: The chief of human resources, Anand Nayak, has been with the company for almost four decades, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Tremors in Singapore (money market)!

Son: The Anil Ambani-led Reliance Communications (Rcom) is said to be planning a $1.5-billion Singapore IPO for its undersea cable unit, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The Singapore Government is said to be much worried and in fact the financial markets there are said to be jittery, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The Singapore Government and the financial market there are very much aware of what happened in India when Anil’s Reliance Power launched its IPO in 2008, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The highly oversubscribed (over 73 times) IPO turned out to be such a disaster for the investors that the IPO market has never been the same again in India thereafter, dad!

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The issue virtually wrote the epitaph of IPO market in India, dad!

Father: Oh my goodness! Go on, Son.

Son: The Singapore Government does not want a repetition of the episode in the island, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Karnataka MLAs Want iPad3!

Son: The Karnataka Government has provided iPad2 to all the members of Legislative Council (MLCs), dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Not to be left behind, the MLAs have now demanded that they should also be provided with iPads, dad.

Father: Understandable. Go on, son.

Son: But the government is facing a problem, dad.

Father: What problem? Go on, son.

Son: The MLAs say that they want a better version and have demanded that they be provided with iPad3, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The MLAs were told that Apple has not launched the iPad3 so far, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But the MLAs are not convinced, dad. They say they would go on an official visit to US to convince Apple to launch iPad3 for their sake, if not already done, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Who is the Third Senior Cricketer?

Son: Sunil Gavaskar has stated that at least three senior cricketers are facing the axe after the disastrous test series in Australia, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: While it is clear that VVS Laxman and Rahul Dravid are the two seniors that are sure to be axed, the name of the third senior is uncertain, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: When asked to clarify Gavaskar merely said – “keep guessing!” – dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Rahul gets it back in Kind!

Son: Rahul Dravid had delivered a wonderful speech during the annual Bradman Oration in Australia in Dec 2011, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The Australians were clean bowled by the oratorical skills of Rahul, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The audience included the members of the current cricket team of Australia, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The team was so impressed that it wanted to fully reciprocate the efforts of Rahul by giving it back in kind, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The team clean bowled him six times in the four-test series including four times in succession, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

28^th January 2012

I Don’t Know, Son!-34

NO Idea!

Son: According to the latest data from TRAI, Idea Cellular has emerged as the main beneficiary of mobile number portability (MNP). It is apparent that Idea Cellular has benefitted from the success of its “Get Idea” campaign, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The only other two gainers are Vodafone and BPL, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Reliance Communications is the largest loser followed by Bharti Airtel, Tata Docomo, BSNL and MTNL, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The losing companies are breaking their heads to find out the reasons for their loss. But they are clueless, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The say they have absolutely No Idea! – dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Drum Maaro Drum!

Son: The tax evaders in the Bangalore city are facing the music literally, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The Bangalore City Corporation (BBMP) has hit upon a novel idea to make the tax defaulters pay their dues, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Those ignoring the notices are finding drum beaters in front of their homes shouting their names and the amount owed, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: BBMP is said to have collected substantial amounts from some major defaulters with this unique scheme, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Drum for Drum!

Son: While BBMP is said to have successfully implemented its ‘Drum Maaro Drum’ scheme, it is said to be tasting its own medicine from the contractors, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son:  BBMP is said to owe crores of rupees to its contractors for execution of various projects, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: As repeated reminders to the authorities have not been fruitful, the contractors are totally fed up, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The contractors suddenly realised that BBMP had successfully used the novel scheme on its defaulters, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The other day they assembled in front of the BBMP main office with a band of drummers, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The band went on beating the drums till the officials came out and assured the contractors that their payments will be settled early, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A Framework that Does not Exist!

Son: The Reserve Bank Deputy Governor Dr. K C Chakrabarty was addressing a conference of global banking regulators recently in Hyderabad, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Dr. Chakrabarty is known for his controversial statements in the past, dad!

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: For a change, he did not make any controversial statements during his address. The topic of address was – the financial crisis management – dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Dr. Chakrabarty concluded his address by stating that “the best crisis management framework is one that prevents crisis”, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: One of the global banking regulators when asked to comment on the address of Dr. Chakrabarty, simply stated that there does not exist any framework that can prevent crisis, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He concluded that the regulators were interested only in methodologies for handling and solving the crisis situations and knew quite well that there was no single framework that prevented the crisis in its entirety, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

24^th January 2012

I Don’t Know, Son!-33

The Mandatory (sincere) Mourning!

Son: The North Korean Authorities have cracked down on people who failed to exhibit sincere sadness and despair after the death of Kim Jong II on December 17, dad.

Father: Go on son.

Son: The authorities are handing down a minimum of six months in a labour-training camp to all those who did not participate in the official mourning, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But they are said to be more severe in handing punishments to another category of people, dad.

Father: Who were they? Go on, son.

Son: Those were the people who did participate in the official mourning but did not cry, dad!

Father: Oh my goodness! Go on, son.

Son: But the worst punishment was handed out to altogether a different category of people, dad.

Father: Who were those? Go on, son.

Son: Those were certain people who participated in the official mourning and also cried, dad!

Father: How come? What was their fault? Go on, son.

Son: Their crying did not appear to be genuine to the authorities who monitored them closely, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Indian Monkey on a Pakistan Visit!

Son: An Indian monkey has reportedly trespassed into Pakistan by entering the Cholistan area in Bahawalpur district, dad!

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: The monkey appeared to be very clever and was able to dodge the locals who tried to catch it, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Ultimately it was caught by the wildlife authorities who have handed over the same to the Bahawalpur Zoo, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Some of the elderly people in the locality reportedly had some apprehensions about the arrival of the monkey from India, dad.

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: They told the youngsters that the legendary Ramayana War in Sri Lanka was preceded by the visit of a monkey (Hanuman), dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: But the curator of the Bahawalpur Zoo has told them that the monkey was not a trained spy and he did not suspect that it has been deliberately sent to Pakistan, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Indian Students 2^nd Last in International Test!

Son: India has been ranked second last among the 73 countries that participated in the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA), dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: PISA is conducted annually to evaluate education systems worldwide, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The Indian Education Ministry officials are said to be busy sending message of thanks to the Government of Kyrgystan, a tiny country and a member of the Commonwealth of Independent States (CIS), dad!

Father: What for? Go on, son.

Son: The country stood last in the ranking, dad!

Father: So what? Go on, son.

Son: The officials say but for the existence of this tiny country, India would have been placed last in the ranking, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

BCCI’s New Test Match Format for Australia!

Son: Considering the dismal performance of the Indian cricket team in Australia, the Indian Cricket Board (BCCI) is said to be thinking of a new test match format for future Australia tours, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: BCCI is aware that the team has performed miserably inspite of the presence of stalwarts like Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman in the team, dad. All the three stalwarts know that this is their last test series in Australia, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The proposed format will have only three days for a test match, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The Indians will play both their innings one after another, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The Australians will start their batting after the two innings of the Indians and will limit their batting to cover the total runs scored by the Indians, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The Indian team may go-carting immediately after the Australians finish the formality, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

15^th January 2012

I Don’t Know, Son! -31

BBC’s Too Early Plans!

Son: We had earlier read that BBC was training its staff to correctly announce the death of Queen Elizabeth to avoid another embarrassing gaffe, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: In view of the advanced age (85 years) of the queen the advance preparations of BBC were understandable, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: But we now hear that BBC has started filming the obituary of the 58-year old former Prime Minister Tony Blair, dad!

Father: Oh my God! Go on, son.

Son: The Sun (newspaper) has called the act ghoulish and has reported that some of the former PM’s cabinet colleagues were asked to contribute to the programme, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: A labour party source has called the BBC action as poor in taste and has stated that Tony is still a relatively young man who sure has a lot of years left in him yet, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Provisional Padma Awards (Subject to Audit)!

Son: The Comptroller and Auditor General (CAG) has reportedly suspended the controversial audit of Padma Awards, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The Ministry of Home Affairs is said to be relieved with the decision of the CAG, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Otherwise, the ministry was thinking of issuing the awards as ‘provisional’, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The awardees were expected to be addressed with Padma Shree (subject to audit), Padma Bhushan (subject to audit) and Padma Vibhushan (subject to audit) every time their names were announced or referred to, dad!

Father: Funny! Go on, son.

Son: This exercise was to be continued till the CAG found the awards perfectly in order, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Auditors’ Signature Now Only a Formality!

Son: Prithvi Information Solutions of Hyderabad has created a record of sorts, dad. It has passed an unsigned audit report at the annual general meeting (AGM), dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The auditor V K Asthana had submitted a draft report (in a pen drive). But the firm later disowned the audit report by sending a mail, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But the company says the report has been adopted at the AGM. According to it “the signature is just a formality and it does not think that the same is required”, dad!

Father: Wonderful. Go on, son.

Son: It will be interesting to see what the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India has to say in the matter, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Did They Really Say That?

Son: The Business Standard daily of Kolkata often publishes some statements attributed to some important personalities under the above headline, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The last Sunday they had published a statement – “Let us not be afraid of anybody, least of all, an ex-policeman, least of all an ex-bureaucrat, least of all somebody who pretends to be another father of nation” – under the above headline, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The reference in the statement was obviously to Kiran Bedi, Arvind Kejriwal and Anna Hazare, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The newspaper had attributed the statement to Gurudas Das Gupta MP, and had also published a photograph under the title, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The newspaper editor had a shock of life when he received a denial of the statement from Gurudas Kamat MP, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The Mumbai MP had said – No! I did not really say that!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The newspaper had committed a blunder of sorts by publishing the photograph of the Mumbai MP, in place of the photograph of Gurudas Das Gupta MP to whom the statement had been attributed to, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

1^st January 2012