I Don’t Know, Son! - 30

Query Leaves BJP MP Red-faced!

Son: The members of Parliament (MPs) are provided an annual fund of Rs5 crore to recommend development work in their constituencies, dad.

Father: True.  Go on, son.

Son: While most of the MPs use the funds promptly, there are some MPs who are so lazy to even ensure the benefit of the funds to their constituencies, dad.

Father: Disgusting! Go on, son.

Son: The BJP MP Tarun Vijay was curious to know the names of such callous MPs, dad. He raised the question in the Rajya Sabha seeking a list from the government, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He promptly received a list of 22 such callous MPs, dad. But he was shocked to find one particular name in the list, dad!

Father: Whose name was it?  Go on, son.

Son: It was his own name, dad! He was in the illustrious company of Lalu Prasad Yadav, Anand Sharma (Commerce Minister), Vijay Mallya, H D Kumaraswamy, Ram Jethmalani and Hema Malini, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Vested Interest!

Son: The Lok Sabha was disrupted over the case in a Siberian court in Russia seeking a ban on Bhagawad Gita, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The two Yadav heavyweights – Lalu and Mulayam – vehemently pressed for intervention by the government, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The external Affairs minister S M Krishna has termed the plea in court as absurd, dad. He has stated that the Indian embassy is closely monitoring the case, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The BJP, which is always in the forefront in protecting the interest of the Hindus, is playing only a second fiddle, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son:  The party says that the issue is fully taken care of by the ‘vested interests’, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, Son.

Son: While the Yadavs trace their descent from Krishna who belonged to Yaduvansh, the name of the external affairs minister is self-explanatory, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Krishna Quotes Bhagawad Gita!

Son: External Affairs Minister S M Krishna’s reply that the Indian embassy is closely monitoring the case has, however, not satisfied the Yadav duo, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: They wanted to know whether mere monitoring the case will help in sorting out the issue, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: In reply Krishna has quoted Bhagawad Gita, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: He told them “Karmanyevadhikarasthe Ma Phaleshu Kadachana” (you have a right over action but not on the result), dad!

Father: Wonderful. Go on, son.

Son: The Yadav duo totally agreed with Krishna (Shri Krishna), dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Yeddy performs Yajna – not aimed at CM’s Chair!

Son: The former Karnataka CM Yeddyurappa (Yeddy) has performed a Yajna at Kalladka in Dakshina Kannada, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Yeddy has clarified that the Yajna is not aimed at CM’s chair and it is only to seek divine intervention for good governance in the state through an ‘able leader’, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Yeddy has, however, said that he was ready to take the responsibility of leading the state again if the central leadership takes a decision, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Obviously Yeddy believes that he is the only ‘able leader’ on whose behalf he expects a divine intervention, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Many BJP MLAs Want Yeddy Back!

Son: Many of the BJP MLAs say that they want Yeddy to come back as CM, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: They say that only some of the MLAs have taken the advantage of Yeddy’s de-notification spree (of BDA acquired land) previously, as the others were kept in the dark, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: They are now ready with a list of plots that they want to get de-notified by the benevolent Yeddy, as soon as he is back in the CM’s chair, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

23rd December 2011

I Don’t Know, Son! - 29

Indian among the World’s Dumbest Criminals!

Son: Naim Shaikh, a mechanic from Pune, has earned the dubious distinction of being one of the ‘World’s Dumbest Criminals’, as featured in the Reader’s Digest magazine, dad. In fact his was the only name from India that figured in the list, dad.

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: Desperate to pay his rent, Naim had stolen a brand new Bajaj Platina bike parked in a lane in Pune, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He was encouraged by the fact that the new bike did not even have a registration number that would help tracking it, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The owner of the bike Jeevan Shedge registered a police complaint immediately after he noticed the theft, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Doubting the possibility of tracing of his vehicle, Jeevan started looking for a second-hand bike, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Somebody told Naim that a person called Jeevan was looking for a second-hand Bajaj Platina, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The victim (Jeevan) and the thief (Naim) met each other at a place in Pune when Naim showed the bike to Jeevan, who recognised his bike within no time, dad!

Father: Wonderful. Go on, son.

Son: He started shouting for help, when Naim got into the bike and fled from the scene, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The Pune police did a marvelous job in catching the ‘dumb thief ‘in a matter of few minutes, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Gavaskar’s $1-Million Dream!

Son: All those who log into the Internet are familiar with repeated mails in their inboxes which convey that they have won a $1-million (or even more) lottery, dad!

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son:  It is very normal to delete such mails as spam and forget it for good, dad.

Father: True. Go on, Son.

Son: Something similar happened to our legendary cricketer Sunil Gavaskar, dad. But instead of forgetting the same, he took it seriously, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It seems the former BCCI President and the Maratha strongman, Sharad Pawar, had jocularly told Gavaskar sometime that his role in IPL deserved a million dollar, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But Gavaskar took it seriously and believed that he would get an annual fee of $1 million from BCCI for his role in IPL, dad! Incidentally, both Gavaskar and Ravi Sastri are being paid an annual fee of Rs1 crore by BCCI for doing some service, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Gavaskar waited patiently.  However, he took up the matter only after Pawar moved out of BCCI President’s post to take charge as ICC President, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The BCCI has flatly refused the payment and has confirmed that the Maratha strongman has denied any such promise, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Pawar is known as a thorough gentleman who always keeps his commitments, dad. But he never thought that Gavaskar would take his joke so seriously, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Sidhu’s Road Show in Andhra Pradesh!

Son: The former cricket star and BJP MP Navjot Singh Sidhu appears to have moved from ‘Comedy Show’ to ‘Road Show’, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Sidhu is known for the controversies right from his cricketing days. A certain Azharuddin would vouch for this, dad. 

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Sidhu had left the England tour midway in 1996 in a huff, dad. The then captain of the Indian team Azharuddin till today does not know what made him pack off without informing anybody, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: He joined a well known global sports channel as commentator after retirement from cricket. But he used to focus more on his one-liners (Sidhuism) than the actual game. He was sacked by the channel for swearing on air, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He then moved to a major Hindi entertainment channel as a judge in a programme called “The Great Indian Laughter Challenge”, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The problem here was different, dad. Sidhu would start laughing even before the punch line was delivered by the participants, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: So much so that the participants would forget the punch line they had planned to deliver in the end, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The recent Road Show in Andhra Pradesh (kidnapping of a guard in a toll gate) has only added another controversy to Sidhu’s cap, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Gujarat Ambuja’s ‘Unbreakable’ Cement (TV Commercial)!

Son: Gujarat Ambuja Cement had launched a TV commercial (TVC) – “Tootthe Nahin Yaar! (unbreakable, my friend!)” – to highlight the unbreakable quality of its cement, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The well known Hindi film actor Boman Irani played a dual role (twin brothers) in the TVC, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: In the TVC, the brothers try to break a wall that separated the two houses. But they find it unbreakable as it was built using Ambuja cement, dad!

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: While the unbreakable quality of the cement of the company will be confirmed only by the builders, the unbreakable nature of the said TV commercial is not in doubt, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The Company has been broadcasting the same TVC repeatedly for the last so many years, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: So much so that the TV viewers will unanimously vote for its (TVC’s) ‘unbroken’ quality, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

16^th December 2011

I Don’t Know, Son! - 28

The 50% Discount Offer!

Son: Now-a-days each and every product is sold under one discount scheme or the other, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The discount scheme is so popular that even the thieves have started offering discounts, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: Times of India dated 8th December 2011 carried a news item that a thief has returned one half of the gold chain he had snatched from a woman in Bhadravathi, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The thief had fled with the 25-gram gold chain. But he returned half of the same in the evening along with a letter asking the woman not to lodge a complaint with the police, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: A pocket with half portion of the chain was handed over by the chain snatcher to a boy near the house of the victim, personally, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Back-to-Back Burglary Insurance!

Son: The general insurance companies offer burglary insurance cover for valuables at homes, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: But an incident in Udupi makes one think even burglars may have to go for an insurance cover, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: A report in Bangalore Mirror says that a sleepy robber had his loot stolen while on his way to stash the same at his sister’s house, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: A carpenter had stolen around Rs2.5 lakh and 23 grams of gold from a house in Udupi. But his wife refused to admit him to the house with the stolen items, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The man then thought of keeping them at his sister’s house in another place. But he dozed off at the Bus Stand after having drinks, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: When he woke up he found out that another thief had knocked-off his bag, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He rushed to the nearest police outpost. But refused to file a complaint, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Google for Google!

Son: The Economic Times has published an article stating that Google India has been served with a notice from the Income Tax Authority, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The notice stated that the Indian unit declared revenues of Rs74.9 million instead of sales of Rs1.67 billion for the year ended 31 March 2008, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: When a newspaper correspondent tried to elicit further details of the notice from Google India, the company spokesperson declined to comment, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He politely asked the correspondent to use Google search engine to find out, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Tweeting Lessons!

Son: In the good old days the students used to be asked to write essays on different subjects in their English language classes, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: They were also taught the art of précis writing or writing a summary of the main points in an article, dad.    

Father: True. Go on, Son.

Son: But the students of today neither have the time nor the patience to write essays or even summaries, dad.

Father: True. Go on, Son.

Son: The Government is said to be thinking of introducing ‘Tweeting Lessons’ in the English language syllabus to keep abreast of the present day culture, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

10^th December 2011

I Don’t Know, Son! - 27

Now the Snake-Treatment for the Corrupt!

Son: The officials at a government office in Uttar Pradesh had some unusual visitors at their office recently, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It seems they were sitting over an application submitted by a snake-charmer called Hakkul for allotment of a small plot of land to set up a serpentariam, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: They were dilly-dallying over the issue for more than two years because Hakkul failed to pay the expected bribe, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Having waited for long Hakkul felt it was high time to give them a ‘fare treatment’, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He had a stock of over 72 snakes in his possession and he simply let loose about three dozen of them at the government office to tackle the corrupt officials, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: The officials ran helter-skelter much to the amusement of the people who were present at the scenario, dad!

Father: Wonderful! Go on, son.

Son: The police department has expressed its inability to put Hakkul behind the bars, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: Hakkul has told them that he would carry his entire ‘family’ of six dozen snakes with him to the jail, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

On-the-Job Training (Pilot Project) for a Crime Reporter!

Son: A former programme director of a Kannada TV news channel and three others were caught after they robbed two women by throwing chilli powder on them, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The men snatched a bangle and a gold chain from one woman. But the screams from the other woman attracted neighbours who caught one of the robbers, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The identity card of one of the robbers, who was caught later, revealed that he had worked for a TV channel, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He told the police that he was likely to get an appointment with another channel as crime reporter shortly, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He explained that he was only undergoing an ‘on-the-job training’ by committing a crime personally to prove his credentials to the channel, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He reiterated that it was only a ‘pilot project’ undertaken by him, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The New Mentoring Technique!

Son: The Indian cricket team appears to have chosen a new mentoring technique for the benefit of upcoming players like Virat Kohli, Rohit Sharma, Jadeja and others, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The established opening pair of Sehwag and Gambhir have made it a point to get out early in the match and throw a challenge to the youngsters to show their mettle in the crisis situation, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The technique worked quite well in the first two one-day matches against the West Indies, with Virat and Rohit rising to the occasion admirably, dad.

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: Encouraged by their response, Sehwag and Gambhir wanted to give them even more challenging situation to handle, dad!

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: Both of them got out to the very first ball they faced in the third match, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: This time the technique boomeranged on them, as the West Indies Team beat Team India by 16 runs, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Ability to Get Under the Skin!

Son: Former Indian skipper Ravi Sastri had backed Harbhajan Singh (Bhajji) for the upcoming Australian Tour, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son:  Sastri was of the opinion that Harbhajan had the ‘ability to get under the skin’ of the Australian players, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: A certain Andrew Symonds has reportedly agreed with Sastri’s opinion 100 percent, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: He says that the ‘Monkey Gate’ scandal has conclusively proved this special ability of Bhajji, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Monkey Gate in Bigg Boss!

Son: Former Australian cricketer Andrew Symonds is set to enter the Bigg Boss house as the fifth male contestant in this season, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Earlier there were strong rumours that Navjot Singh Sidhu, the former Indian cricket star would be one of the contestants. However that did not happen, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Now that Harbhajan Singh (Bhajji) has been dropped from the team that is visiting Australia, the viewers are wondering whether Bhajji would be the next male entry in the Bigg Boss house, dad!

Father: Go on, son.’

Son: If that happens, the viewers expect every possibility of another ‘Monkey-Gate’ episode in the Bigg Boss house, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

6^th December 2011