I Don’t Know, Son!-16

I Don’t Know, Son!-16

The novel Scheme!

Son: The Government of India has been choosing the Garden City of Mysore for launching its new schemes, dad. The city was the first to implement the AADHAAR scheme of Nandan Nilekhani. The city is also said to be getting ready to implement the cash subsidy scheme for the cooking gas consumers on a pilot basis, dad.

Father: True. Go on son.

Son: Not to be left behind, the Karnataka Government seems to have identified the city for the pilot project of a different kind, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The government has started issuing death certificates on a pilot basis, dad. The beauty of the scheme is that it is being delivered to the very person who is supposed to be dead, dad!

Father: Oh my God! Go on, son.

Son: The Times of India dated 29 July 2011 has published a news item stating that a gentleman called Narahari has been issued a death certificate by the KR Hospital in Mysore and the certificate was delivered to him in person, dad!

Father: Really? Go on, son.

Son: Several senior citizens of the city are now said to be thinking of using the facility and to keep their death certificate attached to their will so that the beneficiaries may claim their assets without any hassles upon their eventual death, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Joke Turns Serious!

Son: D Subba Rao, the Governor of RBI, often talks in lighter vein, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The other day he made a statement in a function that the ‘global financial crisis’ started immediately after he took charge, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Continuing the talk, he also said that he expected the crisis to end on completion of his term as Governor, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: The India Inc is said to have taken his statement seriously, dad! Now they say they are eagerly awaiting his term to end, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Mother’s Belief!

Son: On an earlier occasion the Governor (D Subba Rao) was getting embarrassed owing to the praises being showered on him by several dignitaries during an official function, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Finally it was the turn of Subba Rao to speak. He started the speech saying that it was good that his mother was not present on the occasion, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: He said that his mother had a tendency to believe all the stuff told in honour of her son, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Hierarchy Conscious Fish?

Son: The ex-CMD of ONGC, late Subir Raha, was an outstanding public sector executive, who detested sycophancy, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son:  Raha was earlier with the Indian Oil Corporation (IOC) and he used to narrate an experience while he was posted at Haldia, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: The Chairman of IOC once came on an official visit to Haldia along with the General Manager and his deputy. All the three were taken on a fishing venture in the early morning, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: To their surprise, all the three got their catch within a couple of minutes, but the result was indeed curious, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The Chairman netted the biggest fish, the General Manager got the second biggest and the deputy the smallest, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Raha could not believe that the fishes were also aware of the hierarchy of their captors, dad! But he soon discovered that the administrative manager of the Haldia office had made the perfect arrangement, dad!  

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He had positioned three of his assistants in water who did their job as instructed, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Ninth Husband of Elizabeth Taylor!

Son: Professor Prasad  was addressing a conference at IIM Bangalore last year, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Prasad was the last person to come to the podium and the enlightened gathering had already heard the other distinguished speakers, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Quite understandably it was a tough call on Prasad to meet the high expectations of the audience who had heard the other famous speakers, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Prasad began by telling the audience that he was feeling like the ninth husband of Elizabeth Taylor on his first wedding night, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: He told them he knew exactly what he was supposed to do. But the question was whether he could make it different and interesting, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

3rd August 2011