The Taxation Conundrum

(This skit was written by me in 2009 when Pranab had just taken charge as Finance Minister from P Chidambaram who had moved to the Ministry of Home Affairs)

The other day my friend was telling me about a dream he saw in the previous night. In the dream the God appeared and asked him to seek any boon as per his wishes. My friend being an ex-banker made some quick calculations. He thought if he could get Re1 crore as boon, he would invest it wisely and live in peace for the rest of his life out of the returns. So he asked the God to grant him Re1 crore as boon. The God immediately handed over to him a bagful of currency notes. My friend, being a true banker, did not want to take the God for granted as regards the quantum of money. He started counting the pieces of currency. To his surprise, he found only Rs55 lakh in the bag! He looked at the God with a question mark on his face. The God simply smiled at him and asked him to see the other documents in the bag. My friend found a working sheet showing the following details:

Ø  The amount of boon: Rs1,00,00,000. 00

Ø  Less Service Tax:      Rs    12,00,000.00

Ø  Less IT at Source:     Rs    33,00,000.00

Ø  Net amount in cash:   Rs   55,00,000.00

He also found two certificates signed by the God for having deducted the tax at source and remitted to the exchequer.

My friend was not amused at all. He protested to the God strongly. Here is their conversation:

Friend: This is too much. I had heard of God-fearing men; but never heard about tax-fearing God! I am cheated! Had I known about this I would have asked for more.

God: That was your fault. I am simply helpless. I have to be tax-compliant. You Know PC. He has brought everything under the tax net. The income tax is all-pervasive! Nobody can escape from it.

Friend: I had heard of all-pervasive (omnipresent) God.  You are talking of a new concept! By the by, what is PC?

God: Oh my God! This is too much. You are an ex-banker and you don’t know PC? I was referring to P. Chidambaram, the Finance Minister, Baba!

Friend: Oh my God! You have to update your website! He is the home minister now. The good-old Pranab is the present Finance Minister.

God: You are updating me, the God himself! But I know for sure PC continues to be the man who runs the Government finances.

Friend: How is service tax made applicable to boons? By the by, you have calculated it at 12 percent. You must know Pranab has brought it down to 10 percent. You refund Rs2 lakh to me right now!

God: Don’t exhibit your Bank Manager-brain to me! The change in rate will come into effect only after the amendment is gazetted. As regards the applicability of service tax to boons, please be aware that PC has seen to it that anything one does for others is treated as a service and attracts tax! I don’t want a taxman to come to me tomorrow and tell me that I have defaulted! You know the recent case of a Kannada actress!

Friend: I don’t read filmy stuff! But if it pertains to tax matter, you may please enlighten me!

God: The case is interesting. This small-time actress had acted in a few Kannada films about a few years back. She mostly played the role of the sister of the hero. You know the Kannada film producers. With the limited market they can offer only a few lakhs to the hero and the heroine. The hero’s sister is placed in the third slot and at the best can expect Rs2-4 lacs depending on the length of the role.

Friend: I understand. The tax officials will not even bother to look at the assessment of such artists. Forget about raiding their residences!

God: But that is exactly what happened! This actress’s house was raided by the tax officials!

Friend: I pity the officials! They must have returned empty handed after sipping a cup of coffee offered by the artist!

God: You are absolutely wrong! The tax officials laid their hands on a bonanza and seized cash and other valuables amounting to crores of rupees!

Friend: Oh my God! What happened then? Did they confiscate the entire bonanza?

God: No! You are wrong again! The actress convinced them that she had an annual income of Rs9 crore. The Department assessed the income and collected tax and penalty amounting to about Rs3.5 crore. The raiding party was rewarded by the Department for their efforts in unearthing the undeclared income.

Friend: That is understandable. But don’t you find something fishy? How can a Kannada actress convince the tax authority that she had a genuine income of Rs9 crore?

God: That is what even I have not understood! But I will give credit to the tax consultant who represented the artist! Full marks to him!

At this stage my friend was rudely woken up by his wife telling him that it was already 7 AM in the morning! He cursed his wife; but realised that he had only witnessed a dream!

A V Krishnamurthy

6th March, 2009

My Days West - Episode-14

My next assignment was at Sindhi Society, Chembur branch. I had to travel up to Kurla by bus, catch a harbour-line train to Chembur station and again catch a bus to Sindhi Society.  But the whole journey used to take only about half an hour in the morning, thanks to the frequency and regularity of train and bus services. This area was predominantly occupied by people who had migrated from the Sindh and Punjab after the partition. There was a gentleman called Hashu Advani, who was doing lot of social service and was a great leader of the people of this area at that time. Advani was a valued customer of the branch. He did tremendous work in the field of education and rose to become the Finance Minister of Maharashtra later.

The branch was headed by an elderly Senior Manager by name Mohan Rao. He had worked earlier in staff department and was closely related to a highly popular Deputy General Manager, who later rose to the position of the CMD of our bank. I had been advised to be careful in making observations of any type by my seniors. However, I found Mohan Rao to be an extremely nice gentleman and a very cool person in handling the affairs of the branch. He treated us extremely well and gave respect to our audit observations. He was handling the major advance accounts personally and was brilliant in his correspondence with the higher ups.

The famous Rajkapoor’s studio was situated in Chembur. One of the branch customers was closely connected to Raj-family and through him Mohan Rao arranged for a special visit to the studio. We could see the vast studio leisurely. The studio had preserved many of the costumes of the famous films of Raj including Mera Naam Joker, sangam and Bobby.

I was planning for a visit to my in-law’s place in Puttur to see my new born son. In the meanwhile my Manager Kamath gave me a pleasant news. The Bombay inspection teams had covered their entire programme up-to-date at that time. The management decided to depute us to other circles to complete the backlog there. While some of the teams were given north-Indian assignments, our team was assigned five branches in Mangalore and nearby places. It was a blessing in disguise for me. Kamath agreed to send me to Mangalore immediately to enable me to be with my family in the weekends.

I was in a hurry to wind up my assignment on hand at the Sindhi Society branch. I had taken up verification of pledge loans at that time. As per the norms, we have to visit the party’s godowns to verify the stock kept under the bank’s lock and key. There was a client called Inland Packaging Corporation, enjoying this facility. This party was supplying packaging materials to companies like Godrej and Camlin. The raw material used was in the form of huge imported Kraft paper rolls. The party was supposed to have about 200 rolls in the godown at the time of my verification. Mohan Rao himself took me to the godown in his car. The stock was stored in the first floor of the building. Both Mohan Rao and I went up the stairs accompanied by one of the partners. The huge rolls were placed one over another from the entrance of the godown almost up to the roof. The partner told us that totally 200 rolls had been placed in the same fashion up to the other end of the godown. I wanted to count them physically; but the party discouraged me telling that it was not practicable. Then I told him that I would go up the front row and confirm that the rolls had been placed up to the backend. The party was not prepared for the same and was again discouraging me. Finding me unsatisfied, Mohan Rao told me to go up and get convinced.

I started mounting the rolls and slowly moved up. The party was shouting at me telling that it was dangerous. By that time I had already reached the top of the first row. I could now see the entire godown up to the wall at the far end. Once I saw the position there I was about to collapse! My throat simply dried up. I looked at the party below. His face had turned pale and white! I was shaky and found it difficult to hold myself stable. Mohan Rao asked me how many rolls I was finding there. But I was finding the godown totally empty behind the first two rows! When I told him so, he asked me to come down immediately.

Back at the branch it was clear to both of us that there were only 20 rolls against 200 rolls the party was supposed to have pledged to the bank. The party had cheated the bank by convincing that he had stored 200 rolls up to the other end of the godown. It was not clear whether initially itself he had pledged only 20 rolls or he had removed them subsequently, when he had taken part-deliveries. One of the clerks in the branch had signed the records for having verified the stock at the time of pledge and subsequent deliveries.

As per the norms, the shortages in godown were to be informed to our department by way of a special report. The matter was very serious and involved the fixing the accountability of the concerned bank official. I was in a dilemma. I was hesitant to give a special report in view of the fact that the Manager was well-connected. I was also in a hurry to wind up my assignment as I wanted to leave for Mangalore early.

Mohan Rao understood my predicament. As a Manager who had worked in the staff department earlier, he knew all about the special reports and the consequences. He simply asked me to submit my special report without any hesitation. I drafted my report carefully, took his acknowledgement and submitted it to the department. Mohan Rao immediately drafted a detailed reply from his side, in his impeccable English, to the Circle and Divisional offices and sent them along with a copy of my report. He had not disclosed the name of the concerned clerk in his report. Instead he had mentioned that he himself had inspected the stock at the time of original pledge and subsequently at the time of part-deliveries!  It was quite unusual. As per the well-established bank tradition, it is customary to pass on the buck to some scapegoat! I myself had to face a very bad such instance later in my career. But Mohan Rao belonged to a different generation! I would only say I met very few such people in my career!

------- (To be continued) -----

A V Krishnamurthy

28th July 2009

The School Textbooks of Our Times - Episode No.1

Nowadays we keep hearing that the stories in the school textbooks have deviated from the originals. It is also alleged that the same is done with some ulterior motive. As our children are grown up now and the grandchildren are yet to join schools, we have very little idea about the present day textbooks and their contents. But the other day I was just thinking about the text books of our times. Believe it or not! I could remember the lessons from our first standard Kannada textbook itself. I could even remember the names of the Textbook Committee members! As I look back, I feel a sense of gratitude for the troubles taken by the Committee in designing such great textbooks for us covering our school syllabus. The books were so designed that we enjoyed reading each and every lesson and the poems. Fortunately for us there was no KG (Kindergarten) concept in our times and our classes began from the first standard. We did not have the burden of carrying a number of books in a bag weighing several KGs to the school unlike the children of today! Rather we had the comfort of carrying only one textbook to the school for the first standard!

As per my memory the textbooks from first standard to IV standard of our Primary school were prepared by the following committee:

1. Sri M R Srinivasamurthy (Chairman)
2. Sri K S Dharanendraiah (Member)
3. Sri  N S Veerappa (Member)
4. Sri ON Lingannaiah (Member)

Most of the members had the qualification of B A (Honours), BT. Sri N S Hirannaiah was the Director of Public Instruction, Government of Mysore, at that time.

M R Srinivasamurthy (EM Aar Shree JA Dgï ²æÃ) was a creative writer and great scholar who worked in the Education Department of Mysore in various capacities. His ‘Rangannana Kanasina Dinagalu’-ರಂಗಣ್ಣನ ಕನಸಿನ ದಿನಗಳು (The dreamy Days of Ranganna) is a unique book that narrates the experience of a School Inspector. He was an authority on Veerashaiva literature. He chaired the 33^rd Kannada Sahitya Sammelana held at Sholapur in 1950.

The 1^st Standard Textbook

The first lesson in our 1^st Standard textbook began in the most interesting way. The words in the lesson were quite in tune with that stage of our life.  The words were:

1. ಆಟ  (Playing)
2. ಊಟ (Eating food)
3. ಓಟ  (Running)
4.  ಪಾಠ (Lesson)

Till we joined the school we were interested in only the first three subjects. The very idea appeared to be towards diverting our attention to the fourth subject -ಪಾಠ  - reading of lessons. 

The lessons began with simple words that had no complications of Kaagunitha       (PÁUÀÄtÂvÀ) and Votthakshara (MvÀÛPÀëgÀ). But the fun began exactly when we moved on to the next stage. We enjoyed reading those lessons written in the form of small poems with great rhyming.  I am giving a few illustrations below from my memory:

1.     Ka Votthu (PÀ MvÀÄÛ)

Akka Akka -CPÁÌ CPÁÌ

Chekkuli Chikkili-ZÉPÀÄÌ° aQÌ°

Akkiya Dose-CQÌAiÀÄ zÉÆøÉ

Mukke Mukkithu! ªÀÄÄPÉÌà ªÀÄÄQÌvÀÄ

Vokkala Makkalu- MPÀÌ® ªÀÄPÀ̼ÀÄ

Ukkeya Hodedaru- GPÉÌAiÀÄ ºÉÆqÉzÀgÀÄ

Pakkane Beledu- ¥ÀPÀÌ£É ¨É¼ÉzÀÄ

Nakkithu Bhoomi- £ÀQÌvÀÄ ¨sÀÆ«Ä

2.     Da Votthu- zÀ MvÀÄÛ

Guddada Mele UÀÄqÀØzÀ ªÉÄïÉ

Reddiya Maduve gÉrØAiÀÄ ªÀÄzÀĪÉ

Bayige Laddu ¨Á¬ÄUÉ ®qÀÄØ

Jebige Duddu! eÉéUÉ zÀÄqÀÄØ

Benkiya kaddi ¨ÉAQAiÀÄ PÀrØ

Kaddiya Pottana PÀrØAiÀÄ ¥ÉÆlÖt

Buddiya Deepa §ÄrØAiÀÄ ¢Ã¥À

Gadda Joke! UÀqÁØ eÉÆÃPÉ!

Genasina Gedde UÉt¹£À UÉqÉØ

Hegalige Adde ºÉUÀ°UÉ CqÉØ

Aloo Gedde D®Æ UÉqÉØ

Gudde Maadu! UÀÄqÉØà ªÀiÁqÀÄ!

3.     Ya Votthu AiÀÄ MvÀÄÛ

Vuyyale Mele GAiÀiÁå¯É ªÉÄïÉ

Naamada Ayya £ÁªÀÄzÀ LAiÀÄå

Kuyyuva Dotige PÀÄAiÀÄÄåªÀ zÉÆÃnUÉ

Suyyuva Hannu ¸ÀÄAiÀÄÄåªÀ ºÀtÄÚ

Suyyuav Galige ¸ÀÄAiÀÄÄåªÀ UÁ½UÉ

Bayige Mannu! ¨Á¬ÄUÉ ªÀÄtÄÚ!

Ayyo Anna CAiÉÆåà CuÁÚ

Sabhyara Maathu ¸À¨sÀågÀ ªÀiÁvÀÄ

Ayyp Paapa CAiÉÆåà ¥Á¥À

Punyada Maathu! ¥ÀÄtåzÀ ªÀiÁvÀÄ

4.     Words with Shakaara (±ÀPÁgÀ)

Shanivaara Shyamaraaya Shivanagudi Sheelavantha Adu Pashu Avanu Shoora Rajashekhra Shyla Shoka Shankara (±À¤ªÁgÀ ±ÁåªÀÄgÁAiÀÄ ²ªÀ£ÀUÀÄr ²Ã®ªÀAvÀ CzÀÄ ¥À±ÀÄ CªÀ£ÀÄ ±ÀÆgÀ gÁd±ÉÃRgÀ ±ÉÊ® ±ÉÆÃPÀ ±ÀAPÀgÀ)

The 1^st Standard book ended with the famous children poem written by Professor G P Rajarathnam.

        Jambada Koli  (dA§zÀ PÉÆý)

Bannada Tagadina Tutturi §tÚzÀ vÀUÀr£À vÀÄvÀÆÛj

Kaasige Kondanu Kasturi PÁ¹UÉ PÉÆAqÀ£ÀÄ PÀ¸ÀÆÛj

Sarigama Padanisa Oodidanu ¸ÀjUÀªÀÄ ¥ÀzÀ¤¸À H¢zÀ£ÀÄ

Sanidapa Magarisa Oodidanu ¸À¤zÀ¥À ªÀÄUÀj¸À H¢zÀ£ÀÄ

Tanage Tutturi Ideyenda vÀ£ÀUÉà vÀÄvÀÄÛj EzÉAiÉÄAzÀÄ

Beraarigu Adu Illenda ¨ÉÃgÁjUÀÄ CzÀÄ E¯ÉèAzÀÄ

Kasturi Nadedanu Beediyali PÀ¸ÀÄÛj £ÀqÉzÀ£ÀÄ ©Ã¢AiÀÄ°

Jambada Koliya Reetiyali dA§zÀ PÉÆýAiÀÄ jÃwAiÀÄ°

Tutturi Oodutha Koladabali vÀÄvÀÄÛj HzÀÄvÀ PÉƼÀzÀ §½

Nadedanu Kasturi Sanjeyali £ÀqÉzÀ£ÀÄ PÀ¸ÀÄÛj ¸ÀAeÉAiÀÄ°

Jarithu Neerige Tutturi eÁjvÀÄ ¤ÃjUÉ vÀÄvÀÆÛj

Gantalu Kattithu Neeroori UÀAl®Ä PÀnÖvÀÄ ¤ÃgÀÆj

Bannavu Neerina Paalaythu §tÚªÀÅ ¤Ãj£À ¥Á¯ÁAiÀÄÄÛ

Bannda Tutturi Bolaytu §tÚzÀ vÀÄvÀÄÛj ¨ÉÆüÁAiÀÄÄÛ

Jambada Kolige Golaytu! dA§zÀ PÉÆýUÉ UÉÆüÁAiÀÄÄÛ!

The 2^nd Standard Textbook

As I was trying to recollect the lessons of this text book, my brother (AVL) came to my rescue. Believe it or not! He gave me the entire list of lessons in the book purely from his memory. The list ran as follows:

1.Shreerama Devaru  (²æÃgÁªÀÄ zÉêÀgÀÄ) 

2.Gudigalu  (UÀÄrUÀ¼ÀÄ)

3.Kaage mattu Nari  (PÁUÉ ªÀÄvÀÄÛ £Àj)

4.Nari mattu Draakshi  (£Àj ªÀÄvÀÄÛ zÁæQë)

5.Nariya Yukti (£ÀjAiÀÄ AiÀÄÄQÛ)

6.Hoovaadigitti (ºÀƪÁqÀVwÛ )

7.Simha mattu Ili (¹AºÀ ªÀÄvÀÄÛ E°)

8.Tola mattu Kurimari (vÉÆüÀ ªÀÄvÀÄÛ PÀÄjªÀÄj)

9.Kashtapattare  Phalavuntu (PÀµÀÖ¥ÀlÖgÉ ¥sÀ®ªÀÅAlÄ)

10.Hota mattu Simha (ºÉÆÃvÀ ªÀÄvÀÄÛ ¹AºÀ)

11.Namma Halli (£ÀªÀÄä ºÀ½î)

12.Nakaliya Shyaama (£ÀPÀ°AiÀÄ ±ÁåªÀÄ)

13.Dore mattu Aparaadhi (zÉÆgÉ ªÀÄvÀÄÛ C¥ÀgÁ¢ü)

14.Taayi( vÁ¬Ä)

15.Pattada Aneyakathe (¥ÀlÖzÀ D£ÉAiÀÄ PÀxÉ)

16.Hola  (ºÉÆ®)

17.Haavina  Haadu (ºÁ«£À ºÁqÀÄ)

 18.Dasharathana Makkalu (zÀ±ÀgÀxÀ£À ªÀÄPÀ̼ÀÄ)

19.Gadde  (UÀzÉÝ)

20.Seethaa Parinaya (¹ÃvÁ ¥ÀjtAiÀÄ)

21.Santammanna (¸ÀAvÀªÀÄätÚ)

22.Shreeramanu Kaadige Horataddu (²æÃgÁªÀÄ£ÀÄ PÁrUÉ ºÉÆgÀlzÀÄÝ)

23.Shreeraama mattu Bharatha (²æÃgÁªÀÄ ªÀÄvÀÄÛ ¨sÀgÀvÀ)

24.Maadari HallI (ªÀiÁzÀj ºÀ½î)

The book began with the story of Ramayana as the first lesson. The story appeared in different chapters but not consecutively. That was perhaps a clever way of maintaining interest in the storyline! The entire story was covered in a simple form. There were a good number of stories from the fables of Aesop – the first one being that of the Fox and the Crow. The story narrates how a clever fox manages to take away the meat from the mouth of a gullible crow by just praising its singing prowess! The moral of the story was obviously that one should not be carried away by eulogy. But we found it difficult to believe that a crow could believe that it could sing well with its creaky voice! But that was the power of eulogy!

Another interesting story was that of wolf and the sheep – Tola mattu Kurimari (vÉÆüÀ ªÀÄvÀÄÛ PÀÄjªÀÄj). The story starts with both wolf and sheep drinking water in the same stream. Wolf raises an objection telling the sheep that it cannot drink the left over (yenjalu JAd®Ä) water from the stream. But the sheep tells him that it was drinking the water in the lower side of the stream, while the wolf was at the upper side.  Hence the question does not arise. But the wolf was unimpressed! He was just trying to find some vague excuse to attack and eat the sheep. He tells the sheep that on an earlier occasion it was at the upper end. But the sheep dismisses the same and tells the wolf it had come to the stream for the first time. This time the wolf tells the sheep that it must have been either its father or some relative! It then pounces on the sheep and kills it and carries it away! The moral of the story was – people who are powerful will attack the weak even on flimsy grounds!

Another story that was quite funny was that of Nakaliya Shyama. Shyama is a jester in the court of a King. His duty is to keep the King in good humour by cutting jokes and creating some funny moments. He will be always in the company of the King. But his job is obviously a double-edged one. Any false move by him could attract the wrath of the King. That is exactly what happens on one particular occasion. A harmless joke cut by Shyama invites the wrath of the King. So much so that the King asks him not to show his face! Shyama is in a state of shock. He had to obey the orders of the King and he goes home dejected.

Shyama tries to relax at his home. He is thirsty and drinks water from an earthen pot. All of a Sudden he gets an idea. He goes to the market and buys  another earthen pot. He brings it home. The next day the King finds a strange person in his court with his face covered by a pot! The pot had two holes in it to enable the person to see through both his eyes! The King is unable to recognise the person. He asks the Minister who the person was and the reason for him to cover his face!

The Minister tells him that it was none other than Nakaliya Shyama! The reason for covering his face was just to obey the orders of the King in letter and spirit! The orders were not to show the face and Shyama had strictly implemented the orders! The King was quite pleased with Shyama’s funny act. He pardons him and asks him to remove the pot from his face!

As far as I remember we had only one textbook for second standard also. However, we had to start writing our copybook from this class. Strangely the Kannada stalwarts could not find an appropriate translation for the copybook and we used to call the book as copy pustaka- ¥ÀĸÀÛPÀ (book) only! While the first standard text had focused on the reading aspect, the copybook was a tough exercise in writing difficult words. The book started with:

Shuddha Brahma Paratpara Rama

±ÀÄzÀÞ §æºÀä ¥ÀgÁvÀàgÀ gÁªÀÄ

Kaalaatmaka Parameshwara Rama

PÁ®vÀäPÀ ¥ÀgÀªÉÄñÀégÀ gÁªÀÄ

Leela Kalpita Jagadabhi Rama

°Ã¯Á PÀ°àvÀ dUÀzÀ©ü gÁªÀÄ

Kaushika Muni Sakmrakshitha Rama

P˲PÀ ªÀÄĤ ¸ÀAgÀQëvÀ gÁªÀÄ

Brahmadyamara Prarthitha Rama

§æºÁäzÀåªÀÄgÀ ¥ÁæyðvÀ gÁªÀÄ

Chandakiranakula Mandana Rama

ZÀAqÀ QgÀt PÀÄ® ªÀÄAqÀ£À gÁªÀÄ

Kruta Vaivahika Kautuka Rama

PÀÈvÀ ªÉʪÁ»PÀ PËvÀÄPÀ gÁªÀÄ

Bharghava Darpa Vinashana Rama

¨sÁUÀðªÀ zÀ¥Àð «£Á±À£À gÁªÀÄ

Shrimadahalyoddharaka Rama

²æêÀÄzÀºÀ¯ÉÆåÃzÁÞgÀPÀ gÁªÀÄ

Gautamqa Muni Sampoojitha Rama………

UËvÀªÀÄ ªÀÄĤ ¸ÀA¥ÀÆfvÀ gÁªÀÄ.. .. .. ..

The book appears to have covered the entire Ramayana in its own way. But the words were hardnut for us at that stage both for writing and pronunciation. At the end of the exercise, however, we found ourselves well-equipped to read and write our sweet mother tongue.

------To be Continued----

A V Krishnamurthy

4^th April 2013

My Days West - Episode-13

When the Nagpur programme was assigned to us in the month of May 1978, we had been warned by many that the summer would be very severe in the city with the temperature shooting beyond 45 degree centigrade. In view of the same we had somehow managed to defer our visit till the month of July. I could also send my family back home in the mean time. We had chosen the correct time to arrive at the city. With the start of the Monsoon, Nagpur had a pleasant weather by the time we arrived in the city.

Nagpur is actually an underrated city in India. In fact the city is known as the second greenest city in India, after Bangalore. You find lot of greenery everywhere in the city. The city is also known for its large lakes. It is dotted with many natural and manmade lakes with Ambazari Lake being the largest. But the most distinguishing aspect of the city is the fact that it is a doctor’s nightmare! A traveler to the city is not known to fall sick! In fact the weather is such that it makes you hungry, encourages you to eat well and makes you put on weight! This was exactly what happened to me in the two months I stayed there.

Nagpur was once upon a time the capital city of the legendary kingdom and the present day Maharashtra region - Vidarbha. The city is located exactly at the central point of India. There is a landmark in the city marking the zero mile stone. The city was conquered by the Maratha leader Bhosle in the year 1743, who made it his capital. The British took over the city from the Bhosles after winning the Sitabuldi war in 1817 and established a cantonment in the city. It was made the capital of Central provinces and Berar. After independence the city became the capital of the newly formed state of Madhya Pradesh. But the glory was short lived. The formation of linguistic states in 1956 saw the city losing the capital status, as the entire Vidarbha region was merged with the newly formed state of Maharashtra. Thereafter the city carried a genuine grievance of losing the capital city status. The Maharashtra Government has tried to placate the local population by making it a sort of winter capital by conducting the winter sessions of the state assembly here. But that has not made much difference to the city. The city remains the younger sister of the number two city, Pune.

The RSS was founded here in 1925 by K B Hedgewar. In 1956 Dr.B R Ambedkar converted to Buddhism in the city along with his supporters. Nagpur is also known as Orange City as it is famous for growing oranges. Even though Marathi is the most widely spoken language in the city, Hindi speaking population is also huge in number. It is a cosmopolitan city in the sense that a large number of people have migrated to the city from Madhya Pradesh, Chhattisgarh and Andhra Pradesh.

                          

This time I had a different officer with me as team member by name Arnab Das.   He had joined our bank as a directly recruited officer and was senior to me in service. Arnab had actually worked with me in Shimoga for a short period as he was undergoing training as a probationer there. He was senior to me by one year in the inspection department at Bombay. He was known to be a highly unorganized officer in the department as he was not hard working and did not have a systematic approach. But he was a friendly and jovial person and was very smart in handling difficult situations. As an inspection colleague he was good company. He was also a fighter for justice in day to day worldly affairs.

Our bank had five branches in the Nagpur city if I remember correctly. The oldest and the main branch was the Itwari branch. The Sitabuldi branch was a close competitor to the main branch and the Senior Manager also had the coveted car facility. There was a healthy competition between the two branches. A Gujarati gentleman called Sarvayya was the senior manager at the Sitabuldi branch. Sarvayya had performed excellently in his earlier posting at a Baroda branch, particularly in the matter of recovery. As a reward, he had been posted to the Sitabuldi branch with car facility even though he was in a lower grade II at the managerial level and comparatively in the younger age group.

Sarvayya was surprised to find two young officers landing at his branch for inspection. He was an extremely smart, shrewd and knowledgeable Manager. One had to be extremely careful in dealing with him. He was one Manager who would monitor the progress of inspection by watching each of our activities. In a way he made our work easy. The moment we took up a particular portfolio, he would ensure that all the relevant papers were handed over. Whenever we went to him for discussion on any matter, he would start clarifying the matter in anticipation of our query! Attending inspection matter was always on the top of his agenda. As per him ultimately it was our report which would measure his performance from the perspective of the management. In my whole inspection career I have never seen another Manager as focused as Sarvayya.

As a Gujarati, Sarvayya was an exception. I had known many people in Bombay believing that the areas where Gujaratis were in large numbers were always costly. It was because they would not bargain on their day-to-day purchases and simply throw away the money. The Ghatkopar area was often referred to as an example. But Sarvayya wanted the money’s worth for every paise spent by him. His bargaining powers were to be seen to be believed! He often took us to the famous Sitabuldi market in his car. The way he made his purchases could have been the envy of an intelligent housewife!  It was in fact a live demonstration of his bargaining skills. We would even wonder whether the vendor really had made any profit on the items sold to Sarvayya! He was also extremely careful in selecting the best quality vegetables. He had made it a practice not to pay for his daily quota of coriander and curry leaves! He would simply pick them up from the vendor as free samples along with other items! We often felt that we should also make some purchases at the rates at which Sarvayya made his purchases. Believe it or not! We got the opportunity within a short time.

My readers may be remembering Nendurkar, the officer at our Ujjain branch who had a problem with his housing loan disbursement. He could manage to start construction with the help of Selvaraj. He had been transferred to a Nagpur branch and was staying alone in a rented house. He asked us to stay with him and went on a long leave for house construction. It suited us well in view of the meager halting allowance of Rs20 per day available to us. We moved in without any hesitation on our part. Arnab knew some cooking and he would manage to prepare a dish using a mixture of different vegetables in his own way! I could handle cooking of rice in a pressure cooker. Together we somehow started managing our food requirements. I have already mentioned about the typical Nagpur weather, which made one hungry. Arnab’s special dishes started getting very tasty in this special weather! We started making purchases of vegetables at the Sitabuldi market under the able guidance of Sarvayya!

Sarvayya once invited us for dinner at his home. We could taste the different varieties of ‘Gujarati dishes’ prepared by Sarvayya’s wife for the first time in our life. Nagpur did not have a good population of Gujaratis and the business was mainly concentrated in the hands of Marwaris unlike in Bombay. Sarvayya was a star among the community, being the Manager of a reputed bank at a young age. The fact that he possessed an official car with the Government of India board also made a major difference.  Sarvayya enjoyed his position to the hilt. We used to accompany him in his car during some of his city visits. Nagpur was not known for its road discipline unlike Bombay. If any pedestrian suddenly crossed the road, Sarvayya would stop the car and admonish the pedestrian with the question – Baap ka Bagicha hy Kya (Is it your father’s garden?). Sarvayya was also the envy of other local managers for understandable reasons.

By the time we completed the Nagpur assignment, I got the good news about the birth of my first son in the first week of August 1978. My Nagpur experience was indeed memorable. I had an opportunity to inspect another branch headed by Sarvayya years later. This time it was in Ghatkopar East Bombay and the year was 1984.  He had been posted to the heartland of Gujaratis. He was in full command. But that inspection was my penultimate assignment in Bombay. I was already under orders of transfer to Canning Street Calcutta on promotion as Manager. Sarvayya did give me some valuable inputs for my new assignment. I never had any occasions to meet him later.

------- (To be continued)

A V Krishnamurthy

15th July 2009

Kidnappers’ Policy

Insurance companies such as Bajaj Allianz, Tata AIG, ICICI Lombard and HDFC Chubb have introduced the kidnappers’ policy with some even providing psychological counseling in the event of abduction. Hundreds of industrialists and high net-worth individuals are said to be coming forward to take such policies in UP, Bihar and northeastern states.

The policies have been introduced by the insurance companies to protect the businessmen against loss in case of kidnap of their kith and kin. But businessmen are after all businessmen! They always mean business and nothing else! They are reported to be denying the kidnappers their genuine claims! So much so that a smart BPO chief, in his attempt to save money for his father-in-law’s insurance company, even duped a genuine high-tech professional kidnapper by handing him over to the police! The following are the scenarios that took place after introduction of the policy by the Insurance companies:

Scene 1. One top businessman in UP receives a call from a kidnapper.

Kidnapper: Hello! Is it Mr. Somany?

Businessman: Yes, What can I do for you?

Kidnapper: Sir, I have kidnapped your son. You may bring Rs.25 lacs and take him back.

Somany: Nothing doing. I have taken coverage for Rs.1 lakh only.

Kidnapper: What do you mean by coverage? Are you not interested in your son?

Businessman: I am talking about kidnap insurance policy Baba! Don’t you know that? I think you are new to kidnapping business.

Kidnapper: Sir, thank you for the information. Genuinely speaking, it will not work out for me if I accept only Re1 lakh. Can you make it at least Rs2 lakhs Sir?

Businessman: Nothing doing. I will not give a penny more than the cover available.

Kidnapper: OK Sir. Send the cash and take back your son.

Businessman: I am contacting the Insurance Company to settle my/your claim! In the meanwhile you send back my son. He has to complete his homework!

Kidnapper: (Desperately!) Sir I cannot wait for the insurance formalities to be completed. Tell me. You want your son or not?

Businessman: In that case you can keep my son! To be frank, let me tell you. He is good for nothing. Even this cover I obtained is only to satisfy his mother! I know his worth! You will find it out yourself very soon! (Hangs up).

Scene 2: Within one hour the kidnapper drops the son in front of his house and drives away. His father coolly asks him to complete his homework!

 

Scene 3: The same kidnapper to a different businessman on the next day 

Kidnapper: Hello! Am I talking to Manwani?

Businessman: Who is this?

Kid: Don't bother about my name! I have kidnapped your son.

Bu: Are you kidding? What do you want?

Kid: I am not kidding. I am kidnapping!  Let me know the Kidnap insurance coverage available for your son.

Bu: Smart guy! Who told you about this?

Kid: I got the information from my other Client, Sir. In fact this is a latest value addition to me, Sir.

Bu: You seem to be knowledgeable! Good. I have taken cover for Rs. 5 lacs.

Kid: Ok for me. You can proceed with lodging your claim, Sir.

Bu: Ok. But I have my conditions! I will pay net amount only.

Kid: What? Are you deducting income-tax at source? But I don't have a PAN Card, Sir. This is not done.

Bu: Not exactly. I have paid a premium of Rs50,000/=.I will deduct it from the proceeds. The policy comes cost-free for me!

 Kid: Ok you pay me cash and get back your son.

Bu: Not so fast man! You know the Insurance guys! They take their own time to settle the claim. I don't want to be out of pocket. You remit Rs.50,000/= to me upfront. I will ask them to settle your claim directly! In the meanwhile you send me your identity card, two photographs, address proof, form 60, form 15G, etc... (Hangs up).

Kid :( To himself) Oh shit! What kind of father is he? Whose face did I see in the morning? (Recollects that his wife woke him up in the morning!). Oh! I know the reason now. Hard luck for me!

Scene 4: Within one hour the kidnapper drops the son in front of his house and drives away.

  

Scene 5: Another Kidnapper to a BPO top Official on another day

Kidnapper: Hello. Am I talking to Suresh Asrani please?

Official: Yeahha...You are Mr.?

Kid: I have kidnapped your son sir.

Off: Don’t address me as Sir. Use my first name. You know the BPO culture!

Kid: I am sorry sir. No! No! I mean Suresh. What is the kidnap policy coverage you have for your son?

Off: Right now I am busy on my laptop. I have to prepare a presentation to my Board. For all my personal matters ownership rests with my wife. You can talk to her.

Kid: I have already spoken to her Suresh. She told me that as the matter pertains to insurance she has escalated it to you. Please check your mail.

Off: Ok. I understand. You tell me what ransom you want from me?

Kid: Let me be reasonable. Not more than the amount covered in the policy. Let me know it from you. After all you are not paying from your purse. Then why do you bargain?

Off: The Insurance Company also owns my company. My father-in-law is a major shareholder in it. I have to see his interest also. You understand? Anyways I am calling the company right now and will put you on a conference call. Please hold on.

Kid: You are Tech savvy. That is good. Let me tell you.  This activity I have recently started as a diversification. My specialization is actually Highway Robbery! I took a package from Chicago Consultancy for this project. Let me tell you, the kidnapped children are well looked after by me. In fact your son right now is surfing the internet while simultaneously watching Hungama TV Channel! He is eating Pizza in the meanwhile!

Off: That sounds nice. But your game is up. I had put the police Inspector on the conference call! Right now the police are at your door. Bye! Bye…… (The door bell rings) 

A V Krishnamurthy

2^nd October 2007