I Don’t Know, Son! - 39

Govt’s Jeevan Anand Scheme for LIC!

Son: The Government of India has launched its Jeevan Anand Scheme for LIC, dad.

Father: How come? I think you are mistaken. The scheme has been launched by LIC for the public, son.

Son: No father. I am referring to the decision of the government to ask LIC to subscribe to the preferential issue of shares of public sector (PSU) banks including SBI, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The government does not have sufficient resources to subscribe to the issue. But the banks are in need of tier-1 capital and the government does not want to dilute its stake also, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It has found a via media by asking LIC to subscribe, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: For LIC it is virtually an ‘Anand-hi-Anand’ scheme, dad. Investment in PSU banks is a safe bet in the current situation. Moreover LIC need not pay any brokerage and transaction tax on the investment unlike in the open market, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: That the shares will be allotted at a discount from the market rates is an additional Anand (bonus) to LIC. It is grabbing the opportunity with both hands, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

At last a Century from Tendulkar!

Son: Now that Sachin Tendulkar has completed his century, the cricket enthusiasts are expecting him to announce his retirement from one-day cricket, dad.

Father: How come? What century you are talking about, my son?

Son: You have not understood, dad. Let me elaborate.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: According to newspaper reports, Tendulkar had accumulated 90 runs from six one-day matches in the current triangular series, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: By scoring 14 runs in his 7^th match on Sunday, he has completed the century in seven matches, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The way the things are going at present, Sachin does not appear to be in a position to score a century in a single match, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Mamata makes Karl Marx Proud!

Son: The West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee appears to have achieved in less than a year what the Communist Party of India (Marxist) could not achieve in its 34-year rule, dad!

Father: Go on, Son.

Son:  The basic aim of the Communist party as laid down by Marx is to eliminate capitalism (private sector investment), dad.

Father: True. Go on, Son.

Son: Mamata had made the Tatas say ‘Tata’ to West Bengal, when she forced them to abandon their prestigious Nano project at Singur in the state, dad.

Father: True. Go on, Son.

Son: Now the Marwari businessmen who are the backbone of the industry in the state for over 200 years, are shaky in view of the arrest of selective directors of the community in the AMRI Hospital fire tragedy incident, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The Marwari businessmen include the Birlas, Goenkas and Kanorias who own major business ventures in the state, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: There was an expectation that the software industry may get a boost with Infosys and Wipro agreeing to open their campuses in Kolkata, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But now both Infosys and Wipro have refused to invest in the campuses unless the units are given SEZ status, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But Mamata has flatly refused as her Trinamool Party manifesto has clearly stated that it is against granting SEZ status to new units, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

From Popularity to Unpopularity!

Son: Can you name two major topics which stole the limelight in the media in India in the last one year and suddenly lost all the hype, dad?

Father: No idea. Go on, son.

Son: The first topic is the performance of Indian cricket team, dad. The performance of the team went downhill after its famous win in the one-day World Cup final, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The second topic is the Anna Hazare’s anti-corruption movement, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The campaign lost its moorings after it’s unsuccessful and abandoned show in Mumbai, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

27^th February 2012

I Don’t Know, Son! – 38

Saif Launches Promotion Campaign for Agent Vinod!

Son: There seems to be no limit to the innovative marketing ideas that are being used nowadays in the film business, dad.  

Father: Go on, Son.

Son:  Shah Rukh Khan created a record of sorts in marketing his latest production Raa One, dad! That the film bombed at the box office is a different issue, dad!

Father: True. Go on, Son.

Son: Now Saif Ali Khan has set a new trend in the film marketing by launching his campaign for Agent Vinod in a novel way at the Taj Hotel in Mumbai, dad!

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: That the campaign ended with the physical assault on a non-resident Indian, leading to a police complaint is altogether a different issue, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Moral Responsibility!

Son: The pop star Whitney Houston appears to be the latest victim of the goal scoring by the Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: It has now been conclusively proved that every time a goal is scored by Ramsey, an important global personality dies, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It all began on last May when Ramsey scored against Man United and the next day Osama Bin Laden was killed, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He scored again in October against Spurs and Apple boss Steve Jobs died three days later. Three months later, he scored against Marseille leading to the death of Col Gaddafi on the very next day, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The goal keeper of the Sunderland team against whom Ramsey scored his latest goal, is said to be feeling guilty, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: He holds himself morally responsible for the death of Whitney Houston, as he could have saved the goal to prevent the death of the famed singer, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Not the Same Team!

Son: John Inverarity, the chief of Australia’s National Selection Panel, has stated that the Australian team will not be the same without Ricky Ponting, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: In the Indian context, such a statement would have been interpreted as - the absence of Ponting was a great loss to the team, dad. It would have been taken as a sentimental statement, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: But the Australians are true professionals and leave no scope for sentiments, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: What the selection panel chief meant was – the team would be much better in the absence of the ageing Ponting who has been sent out on a compulsory retirement, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Tactical Mistake!

Son: The Indian senior brigade (Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman) is of the opinion that Ponting committed a tactical blunder by issuing a statement that he would leave the matter of his retirement to the selectors, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: They say he should have followed their tactics of not giving any scope to the selection committee, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: While Tendulkar and Laxman have kept mum on the issue (of retirement), Rahul has even stated that he would take the decision only after the next test series, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He has taken his place for granted in spite of his unbroken record of getting clean bowled in most of his innings with single digit/zero scores in the recent test series in Australia, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

25^th February 2012

I Don’t Know, Son! -37

The Decision of the Better Half!

Son: It is not for nothing that the wife is often called the better half of the husband, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The wife of the independent director Shankaranarayanan of Manappuram Finance has sold over 80% of her holding in the company, dad. She sold 1.363 million shares in two tranches in the Bombay Stock Exchange, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It appears that the lady took the decision the moment she came to know that RBI had warned the gold-loan company for having accepted public deposits, dad!

Son: It is no wonder that already two major private sector banks in India are headed by the fair sex, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: In fact, the government is expected to announce the appointment of three women as CMDs of major public sector banks shortly, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The non-working Team!

Son: The oil ministry has recast the entire team of officials that handled the sensitive matters including the multi billion-dollar deals and the issues between Reliance Industries and the government, dad.

Father: True. Go on son.

Son: RS Sharma, the former CMD of ONGC, has said that such wholesale change would affect the oil exploration sector adversely, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He has also stated that there is already a slowdown in decision-making (the CAG effect) as bureaucrats are being extra cautious, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He added that this suits the scheme of things, as already no one is working there in the oil ministry, dad!

Son: He concluded that it won’t affect the sector much in any case, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Pranab not to lose Sleep Anymore!

Son: The finance minister Pranab Mukherjee has stated that he is losing sleep over the government’s ballooning subsidy bill, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son:  It appears the Congress President Sonia Gandhi has taken the issue very seriously, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: Rumours are that the veteran Congress leader from Bengal could be the next Congress candidate for the post of President of India, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Pranab has spent a major part of his life in preparing the budget of the Government of India, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: He need not worry about the budget anymore even for his salary, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The salary of the President of India is directly debited to the consolidated fund of India. It does not need any budgetary allocation, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Ram Gopal Verma’s New Film!

Son: The recent slapping incident between Shah Rukh Khan and Shirish Kunder (husband of Farah Khan) appears to have given some ideas to the Bollywood producer, screen writer and director Ram Gopal Varma, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Varma is known for basing his films on real life characters, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The feud between Shah Rukh and Shirish started when Shah Rukh refused to act in the film – Tees Maar Khan, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It has now ended with the slapping incident and the compromise arrived at immediately thereafter, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Varma is now thinking of launching a film called Thappad Maar Khan, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He wants Salman Khan to play the role of Shah Rukh in the film with Vivek Oberoi playing the role of Shirish Kunder, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Varma is fully confident that the animosity between Salman and Vivek will also end once the slapping incident in the film is shot, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

14^th February 2012

I Don’t Know, Son! -36

VTU VC under Probe – First Class or Second Class?

Son: The Karnataka Governor has appointed a retired judge to probe the allegation against the Vice Chancellor of Visvesvaraya Technological University (VTU) that he made false claims about his academic credentials to get the post, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son:  The allegation was that the VC, H Maheshappa, had made a false claim that he had secured first class in BE, while he had actually secured a second class, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: The judge appears to have a tough job on hand, dad. He has to first decide whether the VC had secured first class or second class, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: Maheshappa has 25 marks-cards for the ten semesters he studied in the Mysore University, dad! He had failed in seven semesters out of ten and had ultimately managed to get through the BE degree, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It appears that the selection committee had given weightage to the perseverance and the number of attempts made by Maheshappa, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It found him perfectly fit to be the VC of the prestigious university in the name of the legendary Sir MV, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Lawyers and the Law!

Son: The Bangalore police have reportedly filed criminal cases against those lawyers who created massive traffic jam in the city on 18 January 2012, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Senior lawyers say that only a section of young advocates took to streets on that day as they were new to the profession and were misguided, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The say that the young men could not differentiate between practicing law and taking the law into their own hands, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

At Last a Case on Hand!

Son: The young lawyers are said to unperturbed by the criminal cases filed against them by the police, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: They say actually they had no cases on hand and it was one of the reasons for their participation in the massive demonstration, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: They say they will argue their cases personally, dad! They wish to follow the example of Raja, the tainted ex-minister of communications, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: They are happy to have at least one case on their hand for practice, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Rahul Dravid now a different Wall!

Son: There was a time when the senior cricketer Rahul Dravid was referred to as Wall by the cricket lovers, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Rahul was adept in defending his wicket and was a virtual Wall as far as the opposing team was concerned, dad!

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Rahul’s wall of defense has totally collapsed now as has been proved in the recent test series in Australia, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Rahul has now turned out to be the Wall of a different kind because of his stubborn decision to not to retire from test cricket, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Rahul has become a Wall for the youngsters like Rohit Sharma, who turned out to be just a traveler during the test series, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

BCCI puts the Cart before the Horse!

Son: The Board of Cricket Control in India (BCCI) had terminated its broadcasting contract with Nimbus Communications Ltd on account of default in payment by the channel, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: BCCI had also invoked the bank guarantees for Rs 1,600 crore issued by three PSU banks on behalf of Nimbus, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But the three banks – Union Bank of India, Indian Bank and Punjab National Bank – have simply refused to make the payment, dad!

Father: How come? What then is the utility of such bank guarantees? Go on, son.

Son: The banks have found an excuse under a clause in the agreement entered into by the BCCI with Nimbus, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The clause states that the guarantee will be valid till the contract is terminated by BCCI, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The banks say that BCCI had already terminated the contract with Nimbus prior to invoking the guarantee, dad. They say that no claim is admissible under an (validity) expired guarantee, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: BCCI could have avoided this situation by invoking the guarantees first, dad. It could have terminated the contract after the receipt of payment from the banks, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

4^th February 2012