I Don’t Know, Son!-26

Nothing to do With MBA!

Son: A headline in Times of India (ToI) dated 23^rd November reads -“Management Graduate held for threatening man to part with Re1 crore”, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The article says that an MBA was arrested for allegedly demanding Rs1 crore from his former employer, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: It is not clear as to why the ToI correspondent highlighted the MBA qualification of the culprit in the article, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The police who laid the trap confirmed the arrest of the extortionist in New Delhi, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: However they have said that his MBA qualification had nothing to do with his crime, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Shahid Afridi and his Retirement!

Son: The former India batsman Vinod Kambli had announced his retirement several years after he had stopped playing, dad!

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: But the famous and controversial Pakistan allrounder Shahid Afridi has been going the other way round, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: He had announced his retirement several times. But he continued to play all forms of cricket, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But now he has issued a clarification. He says he had not retired at all, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: He has also assured that the next time he announces the retirement, it will be the last time, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Mallya in Real Trouble!

Son: Vijay Mallya, The King of Good Times, appears to be really in Bad Times nowadays, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: The troubles of his Kingfisher Airlines have virtually reached a crisis stage, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Mallya is now worried about the call given by the anti corruption crusader and the Gandhian Anna Hazare to flog the drunkards, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Mallya has tweeted that he is in double trouble, dad. He says he not only drinks but also produces the beverage, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

The New Gandhigiri!

Son: The definition of Gandhigiri appears to be set for a change, dad.

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son:  So far the people were under the impression that Gandhigiri means offering the other cheek if a person is slapped by somebody on one cheek, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: But the present day Gandhian Anna Hazare’s reaction to the slapping incident of Sharad Pawar tells a different story, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: According to him the person who slapped Pawar should not have limited it to a single slap, Dad!

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: That leaves no scope for the person who is slapped to offer the other cheek, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Burgler Blames the House Owner!

Son: If you thought that the burglar who stole your household goods is responsible for his crime, you may have to think twice, dad!

Father: How come? Go on, son.

Son: A burglar who stole the goods from a house in London has blamed the house owner for his crime, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: He has left behind a letter stating that the householder himself was responsible for the burglary as he had made many dumb mistakes, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The mistakes listed include leaving curtains and windows open, dad! The burglar signed off saying he felt absolutely no remorse, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Justice at Your (Jail) Doors!

Son: The trial in the telecom scandal will now be held inside the Tihar jail where all the accused are lodged, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The order to shift the trial is said to have come from the Delhi High Court, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The decision appears to have been taken following the attack on the former telecom minister Sukh Ram, dad.

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

27^th November 2011

I Don’t Know, Son! - 25

Change Your Barber at Your Own Peril!

Son: A news item in Bangalore Mirror says that a techie was assaulted in Udupi district because he changed his barber, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: The techie says the barber first went to his office and abused him before assaulting him outside later, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The techie was a regular at the saloon for many years. But he had to change the barber as he had shifted from the place, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But the barber was not convinced by his explanation, dad. He wants the techie to continue his loyalty and he really ‘means business’, Dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Business at Any Cost!

Son: The Government of India had called for bids from the merchant bankers for managing the initial public offer (IPO) of Hindustan Aeronautics Ltd (HAL), dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The IPO market over the last one year has been next to nothing on account trepid market conditions, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The merchant bankers have been so desperate for business that they want to snatch this prestigious HAL issue at any cost, dad.

Father: Understandable. Go on, son.

Son: The government will choose four out of the nine banks that have tendered their bid, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Three of the banks have quoted a fee of Re1 each, dad. This in effect means that all the four investment banks selected by the government will get only 25 paise each, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The government will write a cheque of 25 paise each and the banks say they don’t mind, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Which Came First – Chicken or the Egg?

Son: No scientist has been successful so far in unraveling the mystery – which came first – chicken or the egg, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The government had denied the request of the organizers of the inaugural Formula One Indian Grand Prix for a Rs100-crore tax exemption for the event, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Apparently it appears that the organizers gave it back to the government by not inviting the sports minister Ajay Maken for the event, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The minister put up a brave face stating that he wasn’t invited because he wasn’t a ‘cheer girl’, dad!

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: Now the question remains whether the organizers had already decided on not inviting the sports minister or did it only on learning that the tax benefit had been denied to them, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Kambli’s Third Class Statement!

Son: It appears that the former India batsman Vinod Kambli desperately wants to be in the news, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son:  Some days back he made a statement that he had taken retirement, dad. As he had stopped playing in all forms of cricket long back, the question was –‘retirement from what’, dad!

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Now he has made a statement that India’s loss to Sri Lanka in the 1996 World Cup semifinal was a result of match fixing, dad!

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: The then skipper Azharuddin has appropriately termed Kambli’s statement as ‘third class’, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Role of Technology in Corruption!

Son: Former telecom minister Sukhram has been given a five-year sentence for accepting a bribe of Rs3 lakh in 1996, dad. CBI had recovered hard cash during a raid at his residence, dad.

Father: True Go on, son.

Son: Sukhram is expected to be lodged at jail number 1 in Tihar prison, which also houses the tainted A Raja, who was the telecom minister till recently, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Poor Sukhram was forced to accept hard cash then as the Indian banking system lacked technology in those days, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Raja & Co had the benefit of latest technology and the CBI is breaking its head to prove the money trail, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

20^th November 2011

I Don’t Know, Son!-24

Training for the Death Announcement!

Son: All humans have to face death one or the other day. It does not matter even if you are the King or the Queen of a country. Is it not, dad!

Father: True.  But how come you are talking philosophy, son?

Son: I am referring to the reported mock videos being shown to the BBC staff announcing that Queen Elizabeth II has passed away, dad.

Father: But the 85-year old Queen is very much alive right now! Go on, son.

Son: The British are known to be very conservative and traditional. They do not like any deviations in the age old traditions particularly in the matter of their royal family, dad.

Father: True. Go on son.

Son: The BBC had reportedly failed to maintain the traditions in 2002 following the death of the Queen Mother, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: In a bid to avoid such blunders, the BBC is conducting training to staffers well in advance for announcing the Queen Elizabeth II’s death, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Reading Between the Lines!

Son: Amitabh Bachchan has launched the book The Mad Tibetan, a collection of short stories, by debutant author Deepti Naval, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Bachchan has admitted he had not read the book. But he was nice enough to say that he looked forward to reading it, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: Amitabh is known as an honest and upright person, dad.

Father: True. Go on son.

Son: Earlier he had slammed a fake twitter account by his name posting ill comments about Ra.One, dad. He had also stated that he had not even seen the film to make such comments, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: However, he had not mentioned anything about his intentions to see it later, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

No First Mover among the PSU Banks!

Son: The Reserve Bank of India has deregulated the interest rate on savings bank accounts for the first time, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The general expectation was that the banks would vie with one another to offer competitive interest rates to mobilise higher CASA deposits, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: While two private sector banks (Yes Bank and Kotak Mahindra Bank) have immediately announced the increase in rates to 6% percent from the existing 4%, none of the PSU banks have shown any initiative to announce higher rates, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: In fact State Bank of India, the largest PSU bank, has even stated that it will not be the “First Mover”, even though it said that it may raise the interest rate by 125 basis points, dad. It wanted to see how other banks play it out, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But all other banks have also become smarter by waiting for some other bank to make a move, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: As a result the SB account holders are left in the lurch, dad! In effect the RBI move is as good as nullified  by the banks who have virtually formed a cartel to retain the SB interest rate at 4% pa, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

Another Nero in Rome!

Son: As young kids we had read that Nero, the Emperor of Rome, “played fiddle while Rome was burning”, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: Right now Italy’s finances are in very bad shape and the country is among the PIGS – an acronym used by the global financial analysts for Portugal, Italy, Greece and Spain, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: The European leaders are wondering whether Italy would also face a ‘Greek Tragedy’, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: But the controversial Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi is said to be unperturbed, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The PM is said to be more worried about the delay in launch of his music album of love songs, dad.

Father: Go on, Son.

Son: The album was set to be launched at Milan in September. However the economic crisis has made the PM postpone the release for now, dad.

Father: I don’t know, son!

Journalist Caught Red-Handed (Mouthed)!

Son: The media persons are well known for creating embarrassment to the dignitaries by asking all sorts of questions, dad.

Father: True. Go on, son.

Son: For a change one journalist was at the receiving end while attending a court case involving the former CM of Karnataka Yeddyurappa, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The woman journalist of a news agency was pulled up by the Justice in the Karnataka High Court for chewing gum inside the court hall, dad.

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: The judge asked the police to take her away and register an FIR against her, dad.

Father: Go on, son.

Son: However, no case was filed as the journalist said sorry to the judge at his chambers later, dad.

Father: I don’t know, son!

The Judge-Proof Chewing Gum!

Son: The incident is said to have given some ideas to the chewing gum company that marketed the particular brand used by the woman journalist, dad.

Father: Interesting. Go on, son.

Son: The Company is said to be thinking of launching a new product and has asked its creative team to come out with a suitable TV advertisement, dad!

Father: Go on, son.

Son: The ad is expected to highlight the product as ‘judge-proof’ as it will not be noticed by the judge, if eaten inside the court, dad!

Father: Wonderful. Go on, son.

Son: The creative team has reportedly suggested that the journalist may be offered the role of a brand ambassador, dad!

Father: I don’t know, son!

A V Krishnamurthy

8^th November 2011